So, you want to be a salesman, but you don't know where to start. Well, if that's the case, you are in the right place! We will be telling you our hot tips and tricks to be a better salesman!

It all starts with the most important saying that you should remember for the rest of your sales-full life: Flog it or Hog it! You may be wondering: "What does that even mean?" and if you are, you are stupid. To better explain it for your pea sized brain, we have laid out our tricks in an easy to read fashion.

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1. Let go of you wares

A good salesman will get attached to their wares. They fill a void in their money hungry hearts, we understand. But you need to let them go! Sell everything you can. If you don't then you will be hogging it! Thats where the saying comes from!

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2. Pricing

Pricing your exotic wares is very important. From our experiences, customers LOVE to pay a very very high price for a product that really doesn't live up to expectations. It's all part of the fun!

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3. Descriptions

When describing your products to your unsuspecting buyers, ensure that you include info that is completely irrelevant to the product in question. This makes it more interesting and risky for buyers (which they love) as they attempt to guess what the products features ACTUALLY are. Plus, it shifts any blame for faults to the customer as it is now their own dumb fault for buying a "car" that comes with a "free blow-up bouncy castle the size of mars" (example completely made up and NOT taken from an actual situation).

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4. DON'T SELL PIGS TO BUYERS (TRUST US)

Yeah don't do that. Pigs are a massive pain in the buttocks to handle and they have quite the attitude.

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5. Flogging your wares

Finally, the most important, is flogging your wares. In a live sale situation, remain calm, drink your "Salesman Juice" and prepare for a sales pitch. In the event of high demand for your item, select the dumbest looking buyer in the crowd and ask them for a price. This will confuse any other avid buyers shouting random numbers at you and cause them to shout EVEN HIGHER numbers at you. Let them continue to shout numbers at you until they stop. Select the buyer who shouted the highest number and take their sweet cash!

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And that's all there is to it! Follow these tips and we know you'll be a great salesman. Remember to Flog it or Hog it!